Admit it. You can’t get enough of those weird and warped statements applicants sometimes include in their resumes. Guess what? We’ve got another batch.  

This offering comes courtesy of Job Mob, which curated these astonishing entries from several different websites, including:

  • Resume Hell
  • CareerBuilder
  • Washington Post
  • Resume Power
  • Hot Jobs, and
  • Robert Half.

Job Mob’s collection contains about a gazillion listings, Here are our 25 favorites (in their unedited form):

  1. “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”
  2. “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”
  3. Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”
  4. Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receiving”
  5. “I am great with the pubic”
  6. “Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts”
  7. “Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget”
  8. “I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible”
  9. “Finished eighth in my class of ten”
  10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details”
  11. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave”
  12. Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors”
  13. Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard”
  14. Experience: “Chapter president, 1887-1992”
  15. Languages: “Speak English and Spinach”
  16. Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree”
  17. Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team”
  18. Application: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories”
  19. Cover letter: “Experienced in all faucets of accounting”
  20. “Marital status: often. Children: various”
  21. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail”
  22. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse”
  23. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades”
  24. Candidate’s hobbies included sitting on the levee at night watching alligators
  25. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people”

Can you top these? Send ’em along.


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